AWP Barrelhouse Boothing

Yes, Barrelhouse will be at the AWP meeting in Atlanta. What will we be doing? Well, um, sitting behind a table, selling Barrelhouses (Barrelhomes?), and making idle chit chat. BUT...we'll be doing it in a real dynamic, independent fashion. Sitting with panache. Selling magazines with a special oomph. Chitting and chatting up a veritable windstorm of barrelhousey goodness. If you're in Atlanta, come on by.

Barrelhousing Through Atlanta

Gentlemen-
Who's headed to AWP? And as the "spiritual leader" of Team Barrelhouse, does that earn me the pale ale of my choice? I am of course completely willing to pay for my own drinks, but let's hear from all team members...who's going, who's staying where, and most importantly, who's driving.

Movies the Mere Plot Summation and Cast List of Which Make Me Want to Kill Myself

Contact, starring Jodi Foster and Matthew McConahaguahery. I am always amazed that people will actually sit through this, or that it is even on TV.

The search for life outside our solar system becomes a personal and spiritual quest for a young researcher. Ellie Arroway (Jodie Foster) is a scientist who lost her faith in God after her parents died when she was a child. However, Ellie has learned to develop a different sort of faith in the seemingly unknowable: working with a group that monitors radio waves from space, Ellie hopes that some day she will receive a coherent message from another world that will prove that there is a world beyond our own. Ellie's hard work is rewarded when her team picks up a signal that does not appear to be of earthly origin. Ellie decodes the message, which turns out to be plans for a space craft, which she takes as an invitation for a meeting with the aliens. Ellie and her fellow researchers soon run into interference from a White House scientific advisor, David Drumlin (Tom Skerritt), who cuts off their funding and tries to take credit for their achievements. However, Ellie receives moral support from Palmer Joss (Matthew McConaughey), a spiritual teacher who advises President Clinton and tries to persuade her to accept the existence of a higher power, and financial backing from S.R. Hadden (John Hurt), a multi-millionaire willing to fund her attempts to contact the source of the message. Contact was
based on a novel by Carl Sagan, who advised director Robert Zemeckis during the film's production until his death in 1996.

BTW, this is the second movie involving Jodi's Jedi-like searching her feelings about her Daddy, though in the first movie we had Hannibal Lecter to bring her back down to earth.

See His Pug Nosed Face....Pug! Pug!

You can stop waiting for the new Seinfeld, because its here, and it's Extras on HBO. I know, I know: it's just not The Office, the other brilliant show created by and starring Ricky Gervais (and if you're here I assume you're a TV junkie and know I'm talking about the BBC version, which is was just a little bit better than the American version). Like a lot of people, I was really excited about this show when it came on last year, and after the first few episodes, I just couldn't get over the fact that it was not The Office, that Gervais was not playing David Brent, that Tim wasn't going to give one of those sad sack glances toward the camera any time soon. So I gave up, wrote it off.

But then I started hearing about all these brilliant cameos during this (second) season. I took another look and, holy shit, the show is great. It's still not The Office, but like I said earlier, it's pretty damn close to Seinfeld. The characters are almost all unlikable (on the surface, at least), either completely self-obsessed or incredibly stupid or rude. They get themselves into terrible situations, they act poorly, they feed their worst instincts, and, well, hilarity ensues.

Gervais is brilliant as Andy Millman, an extra who hatches an idea for sitcom, which gets greenlighted by the BBC, only to be incrementally dumbed down until Millman is standing in a fright wig, fake glasses, and shouting out a terrible catchphrase ("Are you 'avin' a laugh? IS HE HAVIN' A LAUGH!"). Andy bounces back and forth between relishing his newfound fame, and anguishing over the way he's achieved it (a "shitcom," as his manager helpfully points out).

Ashley Jenson (the Scottish, um, woman who hands out dresses and stuff, on Ugly Betty) is also brilliant as Maggie, Andy's dim friend who is so stupid that she barely notices when leading men are hitting on her. And the Kramer of the show is Stephen Merchant as Andy's crude agent. Merchant steals just about every scene he's in -- he's the most likeable unlikeable character in television.

And the guest stars this season have been amazing. I even have respect for Orlando Bloom after his self-parody as, well, Orlando Bloom, who is so amazed that Maggie doens't find him attractive that he's completely infatuated with her. Equally great was Daniel Radcliffe -- Harry Potter, to you -- who tries to impress Maggie by offering her cigarettes, telling her that he's "done it, you know, with a girl," and then showing off the condom that he's carrying around.

My favorite guest star this season was David Bowie, who reacts to Andy's sad-sack story about his sellout with this singalong:

Factory Hurl

I've read that Bob Dylan's people tried to halt the release of Factory Girl, but having now seen the movie I can't imagine why. Sure, Bob comes off as a pompous jackass and a mere caricature of a real human being. But that still makes him the most likeable character in a film full of assholes.

Maybe some of this was intentional -- the movie seems particularly interested in making Andy Warhol out to be a jerk (who maybe, possibly, also made some art). But even Edie Sedgwick comes across as a pretty awful -- or at least uninterestingly flat -- character, which I'm pretty sure wasn't on purpose. When we found out, via text-over, that she'd overdosed, my only thought was: "Thank God, this piece of crap is finished and I can go have a drink."

Which is to say: I do not recommend this movie.

North Dakota Legislature Refuses to Honor Bono

From the original text of the non-binding counter-resolution opposing pro-Bono resolution discussed here.
(no word if Chuck Klosterman was brought in to provide expert testimony):

Be it here resolved that that the band U2, fronted by Bono Vox (formerly Paul Hewson), has in its career, from the rudimentary musicianship but infectious spirit of Boy to the jagged, soaring guitars and poetic lyrics of their latest effort, added so much to this state's sonic landscape, which resembles the actual, physical landscape in dreary flatness. However, despite Bono's efforts to save troubled North Dakota teens from depression or suicide by baring his own soul and giving them hope in this great beautiful thing called "Rock n' Roll", a religion presided over by a Tri-Form God consisting of Elvis the Father, James Brown the Holy Spirit, and Bruce Springsteen the Son, we cannot in good conscience elevate Bono above his current status as St. Stephen the first martyr (Peter being Chuck Berry, Doubting Thomas, Little Richard, Paul, Bob Dylan, and The Beloved Disciple, Sting.)

While Bono crusades across the world for debt relief for poor countries, we cannot help but note that if North Dakota were plopped down in sub-Saharan Africa it's GNP would be similar to Angola's and Chad's put together. And our State Comptroller has calculated that merely one week of free concerts by U2 and perhaps opened by The Killers or Coldplay, or even both, held across this wonderful state, all of the proceeds generated therein would satisfy both the collective and individual debts of all North Dakotans and their respective municipal, county, and state governments. Until such time this Legislature and all its members herein, shall table any resolutions that provide accolades to Bono and his band. However, should U2 release a Reggae album, all bets are off, it is hereby resolved.

Pan's Labyrinth is da bomb!

And a scarily intense bomb at that!! With delicious fragments just for the kids.

For rizzle, though, go see this movie. There's not too many movies that 2/3rds of the way through I have no idea where it's going. It's like the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe on an acid trip. And in Spain.

This movie also makes you wonder about Spain. What the H goes on there? How was it ruled by Franco for nearly 40 years? How did it stay out of WWII? Why is it a pretty cool place to be now? Crazy stuff elucidated on here.

Apply Salesgenie.com Directly to Forehead...

I can't believe nobody is talking about the greatest Super Bowl ad ever: the one for Salesgenie.com last night. Before I go on, I should say that I'm not quite sure that this was a national ad, rather than a local ad that somehow snuck its way into the big game. But I'm pretty sure it was a real ad, and I'm also pretty sure I heard James Brown mention the "Salegenie.com" pre-game show, or something like that. In any case, not since Head On has there been an ad that was so, well, so unintentionally awesome as the Salegenie.com commercial last night.

In case you missed it, you can view it here (and this site does confirm that it wasn't some quaint and low-budget local commercial, but, in fact, a full blown Super Bowl Commercial).

The ad is either a brilliantly restrained satire of a terrible ad, or its the most terrible ad ever. Here's what happens:

• Close up on hot chick
  
• Cut to supposed-to-be-cool guy getting out of standard-issue midlife crisis red convertible
  
• Hot Chick: "What's with your new sports car? Can I have a RIDE!?!" (bares her teeth and pronounces ride "Riiy-ed").
  
• Supposed to be cool guy: "MAYBE!"
  
• Supposed to be cool guy meets with harried (bald) co-worker, who says that he can't play golf today. He's too much of a bald, harried, loser who has no idea what salesgenie.com is.
  
• Supposed to be cool guy is pulled into standard issue "board room" by someone who appears to be Dick Cheney with a bad gray hairpiece. Cheney says, and this I could not make up: "Hey Peirce, come here for a minute. You're doin' great! Want to come to my house for dinner tonight?"
  
• Supposed to be cool guy: "ABSOLUTELY."
  
• Tech looking guy comes into office of supposed to be cool guy. Says "how do you do it? You've sold over 3 million dollars this quarter already."
  
• Now here's my favorite part. Supposed to be cool guy imparts this bit of wisdom: "Bobby, only fools work hard. I work smart. I use salesgenie.com." We see: a computer with what is supposed to be salesgenie.com onscreen, lists of names, the hot chick getting out of the midlife crisis sports car in front of some kind of tudor mansion.
  

See, losers? It's all so easy! Salesgenie.com can bring you sports cars, hot chicks, the respect of Dick Cheney, the respect of both the harried bald and tieless technology savvy, and finally, all of those things together, as your hot chick gets out of your sports car in front of what may be Dick Cheney's mansion.

Don't work hard. Work smart, people!

Wait...does this sound right?

It's cool to hate Bill Simmons these days. I understand. The first article of his I read he was trashing the Steelers, so I got mad. But he is pretty darn funny, and while it is easy to parody his schtick, it is effective nonetheless.

But if you want to barrage his comments thread, because he said something bad about your blog, maybe, I don't know, but maybe you shouldn't be such asswipes about the comments on your own blog. This isn't a case of the Noonans vs. the Judge Smails, nor underdog vs. overdog, but rather a catfight between two competing brands.

Pussies.