When people stop being polite, and start being … incredibly boring and predictable drunks

The very funny Ben Brown has been watching The Real World: Austin so the rest of us don't have to. Which I very much appreciate, because this season of The Real World is very often unwatchable (although the promos for this week's Very Special Episode show a lot of crying and hint at one of the cast member's relatives dying. Then again, I've been fooled by MTV promos before, so I'm assuming we'll find out Danny's pet gerbil escaped from his cage and got run over by the family station wagon).

Here's Ben's take on the budding romance between Melinda and Danny, after Danny considers slowing things down with her and "exploring his options" in Austin:

"Melinda, though annoying and stupid, is ridiculously good looking. Her vagina is probably like a bear trap, and we can imagine, in our gutter-residing little brain, horribly amazing things she does to [Danny] when nobody else is looking. Or rather, when only a few people and a half dozen hidden cameras are looking. What does Danny think he's missing out on? Making out with some drunk college students he will never see again? Even if he plants his seed one time each in a half dozen women, will that be even roughly equivalent to the forest he could grow in Melinda's uterus? We think not."

Here's his take on Wes, the show's uber-frat guy:

"We imagine that Wes is the kind of guy that one day, you wake up and he's having sex in the bed next to you, and he's smiling and waiting for a high five. NO WES! WE DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOU! These things are private, for God's sake!"

And possibly the funniest thing I've read all week, after Danny's eye surgery heals up and Melinda seems suddenly less interested in being his girlfriend:

"Oh my god, maybe Melinda is a bandage fetishist!"

You can check out all of Ben's recaps here. Lots of snide remarks and even some blurry cameraphone pics of the kids hanging out (read: dancing on bars) in Austin. From here on out, I'll be skipping the show and reading the recaps, saving my valuable television viewing hours for season two of Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County.