Your Commercials Are Meaningless, Unless They Actually Come to Life

Saturday, around 6PM, my buddy Richard and I are sitting in section 15 of the horrendously named Bobby Bowden Field at Doak Campbell Stadium, surrounded by visiting Maryland Terrapin fans who are giddy that the score isn't 56-3. They keep yelling "Fear the Turtle" and mocking the marching band, which keeps trying to inspire the Tomahawk Chop out of a listless FSU homecoming crowd.

When, all of the sudden, during a television time out, the Burger King guy (ok, I'm willing to allow that it just might have been an FSU student dressed as the Burger King guy) leaps from the stands and steals a football from the sidelines, and proceeds to go 90 yards downfield; at the goal line, near the student section, he strikes a mean Desmond Howard-esque Heisman pose, then notices the cops barreling towards him, and reverses field. He hops into the stands, just as a tremendously fat state trooper (if you ever see FSU games on TV this guy is always the one walking about 2 steps behind Coach Bowden) grabs for his ankles. If it weren't for the cop's 4-inch vertical leap (it's hard to get 320 pounds airborne) the kid would have been caught. Instead, he escaped into the student section, where he was immediately surrounded by a bunch of students. The costume came flying out towards the sidelines, and the cops stood around with that "what do we do now" look on their faces.


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