Batman's Commute

A friend of mine sent me an email containing questions about Batman's commute. He raises some good points so I decided to post his entire message on the blog. If nothing else, this proves Anthro Ph.D. candidates at Cornell have way too much time on their hands. Anyway, here's Drew:

I was thinking, and I was trying to tell Daena this this morning but itdidn't work so I thought I'd try you. So Gotham is bascially New YorkCity, right? And the Wayne Manor isn't exactly downtown, it's in thecountryside. So let's say it's in Scarsdale. Or further upstate.Basically, if most crime is happening downtown - or at least the crimethat Bruce is focusing on - he's got a hell of a commute. I'd say about an hour. Now, assuming that 1) he's got an underground tunnel from the Batcave to some isolated road nearby and 2) when people see the Batmobile coming they move out of the way as if it's an ambulance, he's still going to run into a lot of problems getting from this remote place to the site of crime and back. I mean, hospitals and police stations are located pretty close to the districts they serve, but Batman's got to navigate a lot of traffic.

This is not to mention that if there's congestion at the bridge or the tunnel he's got to wait in line: I mean, sure, he can run red lights maybe if the Penguin hasn't been posing as him to wreak havoc in town and the people still feel like he's not a menace, but there's no way around a traffic jam. Unless he goes up on the sidewalk, which I'm sure he does, but would he really drive that dangerously? I bet if he ran over someone it would really torture his already-tortured soul. But I'm sure it's a decision he's got to make: The Joker has planted a bomb which will kill thousands versus Little Billy's blocking his only routearound the traffic jam at 2nd and West Ave.

Sure, he's got the Batwing and the Bat Submarine and if it's Adam West-batman he's got the Batcopter and the Bat Car-b-gone spray and what not, but still he's got to decide to take those out with him when he goes - he can't be halfway down the turnpike and run into traffic and THEN think "Man, I shoulda taken the Batwing..." WHy doesn't he take the Batwing all the time? DOes it use up a lot of gas? I'll bet it does, and with today's oil prices he's trying to conserve just like the next guy.

That's what separates him from the PEnguin. THe PEnguin doesn't care. He'll drive the PEnguinmobile (is there such a thing? What does the PEnguin drive? Why do I continually make the same capitalization error with the PEnguin's name all the time?)regardless if it's at $3.50 a gallon. This is why SPiderman is really a more efficient superhero. He does all the work of Batman, but on a photographer's salary. Batman has to exploit the workers of Wayne Enterprises in order to afford all his toys. IN this way, he's very similar to the PEnguin - the ruthless capitalist. Really, then, the Bat-Saga is all about the violent clashes between two capitalists.

Spidey, now, he's really Red - you know why the costume is red, right? - he's swinging for the people. For the workers of America. Don't give me the crap about "SPidey's in the Marvel universe and Batman's in the DC universe and never the twain shall meet," because they're both New York superheroes and we all know that.

Does DC - the city, not the comic line-have its own superhero? Like some smaller version of Batman. Loris man? Flying squirrel man? Compliment man? Can you answer these questions?