Hot, Buttered...Scientology?

Isaac Hayes is a scientologist? Man, that's disappointing. The guy who made "Hot Buttered Soul," a scientologist? Chef believes all this Xenu space opera bullshit? Are we now to sing "That L. Ron Hubbard is a bad mother...[shut your mouth]...just talkin' 'bout L. Ron..."

Shit.

I always thought Isaac Hayes was just about one of the coolest people on the planet. I saw Isaac Hayes once on a plane, by the way. He had just written a cookbook, and came down the aisle in this big dashiki thing and sunglasses, holding the cookbook in front of him so everybody on the plane could read the words "Isaac Hayes" in big bold letters as he moved past them. It was kind of like having a crier leading the way: "Isaac Hayes coming through! Mr. Isaac Hayes, coming through!" He sat right behind me with Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter. They talked about cooking. True story. Okay, tangent over.

But if we've learned anything from Us Weekly it is certainly that "The Stars: They're Just Like Us." And as we all know all too well, many of us are, well, just total dumbasses.

Even more disappointing, for those of you who may not be following the entertainment news as closely as you should, is this news that he's dropping out of South Park.

Hayes released a statement that said:

There is a place in this world for satire, but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry toward religious beliefs ... begins.

To which South Park co-creator Matt Stone said:

This has nothing to do with intolerance and bigotry and everything to do with the fact that Isaac Hayes is a Scientologist and that we recently featured Scientology in an episode of 'South Park.' In ten years and over 150 episodes of 'South Park,' Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslims, Mormons and Jews. He got a sudden case of religious sensitivity when it was his religion featured on the show.

I tend to side with Stone on this one. The beauty of South Park is that they go after everybody. The scientology episode, which you can watch here, is brilliant. So was the Mormon episode, which featured a chorus that, after every description of the history of Mormonism (I'm reading the John Krakauer book, Under the Banner of Heaven right now, and the South Park history was a bit more succinct, but pretty much on target), sang "dumb, dumb-dumb, dumb...duuuuumb."

The very first South Park short (script here) featured Santa and Jesus battling to the death, with the foul-mouthed little kids providing commentary:

[Jesus floats down from the sky.]
Kyle: What the--
Kenny: (zips up hood)
Jesus: Behold my glory.
Stan: Holy shit, it's Jesus!
Cartman: What are you doing in South Park, Jesus?
Jesus: I come seeking...retribution.
Stan: *gasp* He's come to kill you cuz you're Jewish, Kyle!
Kyle: Oh, fuck! I'm sorry, Jesus. Don't kill me.
Jesus: Nay, fear not. I love All My Children.
Kyle: *whew*
Jesus: Tomorrow is my birthday. Yet all is not right.
Stan: Your birthday is on Christmas? That sucks, dude.
Jesus: I must find a place called "The Mall".
Kyle: Well we can take you to the mall, Jesus.
Stan: Yeah! It's over this way.
[Kyle and Kenny exit]
Cartman: *ugh* Goddammit, you stepped on my foot you pigfucker.
Stan: Dude, don't say pigfucker in front of Jesus.

So, I don't know what to make of this whole thing, and maybe there's more to it, but its hard to read as anything more than what is now becoming typical, crazy-ass, scientologist public overreaction (see Cruise, Tom, versus Shields, Brooke).

So what will South Park be like without Isaac Hayes as Chef? Will they fill in with one of the usual voices, which I'm pretty sure are Parker and Stone? Will they find an Isaac Hayes imitator?

Whatever happens, let's just hope it doesn't involve Ted McInley.