Just a Note III: Oleg Finds His Voice

For those of you who have been following our correspondence with our new pal Oleg, I'm pleased to announce that we've got a new entry in the canon.

At this point, I think it's appropriate to sit back and appreciate all we've accomplished with Oleg. The first submission had real anger, real voice, it was like a Mike Tyson punch that just barely glanced off the shoulder -- all fire and wild abandon, without the precision or the appreciation for craft that would mark Oleg as a true artist. The second submission showed hints that there was an artist working there. Like so many second efforts, however, this draft lacked the fire of the original. What Oleg made up in craft, he lost in vision.

This third draft is, dare I say, Oleg's masterpiece. He has truly found his voice. It is the voice of a too-smart 17 year old drunk on mead at the renaissance festival, but it is a voice nontheless.

I feel that our work with Oleg, constantly pushing, forcing him to examine his craft, never satisfied until we got his finest work out of him, is truly our best effort as editors to date. It is with great pride, then, that I share with you our the latest missive from our friend, foe, and harshest drunken renfest critic, Oleg.

As always, please share your responses in the comments section, and we'll share our favorite with O himself.

Dear Second One-Fourth of Nothing (and I do hope they continue to improve, commiserations to Joe),

Oh please do tell me anon, Dear Sir, just how 'pseudo' indeed and, surely as well, 'drama'-like my own dear life unfortunately is. Forsooth, this mighty high assumption allows thee to quoth your own immensity of learning.

How it is plain that I crumble before thine classicism and breadth of learning. Look post-haste to thine blood allies against me: Eliot and Shakespeare. And these in but a single passage of thine stinging prose!

And yes, 'tis unfortunate that dis-ease but seems 'tis contagious. For ye all be sprouting that horrid pustule forming crank litotes-itis. I have it sure and safe within me, kind and gentle Sir, that indeed thine worth be not of sufficient reckoning to engage my ambling talent. Reassure thine self in that regard.

You must please excuse me of mine horrid arrogance in pointing out to thee and thine a most unseemly error in the calculations of thine reason. It appears a gross ineptitude to assume concern within myself to perpetrate some murderous deed upon this thine own fine corporation, for that does in its own turn assume that ye were worthy of such consideration and ministration. Surely, before all plain sight to the four winds, it is upon us that no such worthiness exists.

Glad am I, warm in hearth and heart, that such a fine and honourable use of thine parents fortune has enabled thee to look up in books and copy there-from. Indeed ye have at thine memorable finger tips a mighty and long list of right eminent names and seemingly endless passage. By open admission I've indeed taken deep in mine innards a most frightful whipping by that there thine able hand.

I take thine assurances well within the folds of my memorising for I cannot doubt any of these clear powers for destruction possessed of thee that ye testify to in thine note, nor the affinity of kinds such as yourself for patience providing shadows also alluded there-to. Your laughter, laudable Sir, has chilled mine feeble bones.

Though thine lengthy postscript has as an afterthought already dispatched from me a right hasty reply I think it now best to return to its weighty theorising. Flattery it is to mine incapable brain that persons of such stature as yourselves lower themselves to receive and engage these base and worthless scribings. Contagious indeed!

I must humble myself though by pointing out some considerations perhaps too simple to be apparent to thine mighty thinking. I doubt it makes any kind of wordly sense for an emtionally disturbed youngster to utter such words as mine previous as it seems not likely that one so young would be engaged in such a subject. But I deny you not the chance to turn mine own simple words to thine self advantage as that seems your right provence, to twist to thine advantage, to ignore all bounds of context and to generally proclaim that which is your god given right; namely that it is ye and ye alone that deserves the laughter of a mighty and highly placed audience.

Thee must at least have within thee a capacity to accept that it be more probable than not that mine own authorial intentions be beyond the ken of thine reckoning. 'Tis with doubt and yet no surprise that I call into obvious question thine perhaps hastily scribed comments regarding mine ability to ammuse our humble reader.

I shall abase myself just once more in this missive. It must be plainly pointed to thine awareness that ye seemingly partake of a constant and deadly error. When it comes into thine mind that I, thine humble and obedient servant, am enjoying myself less than thee become reassured. Nay, it be all too apparant that I indeed amlaughing the more.

O., which is in thine own godfather mind Oleg.

Tell it, Oleg, tell it!

Please share your responses in the comments section.