Steve Guttenberg: Only A Little Jew-y

I have no idea what to make of Steve Guttenberg's mad ramblings. Maybe Mahoney took too many baton blows to the head? Or maybe he's just performing the important public service of providing humorous distraction to an America freaked out by high gas prices, interminable war, crazy End Times fanatics and "Master of Champions."

I'm doing something, it's actually called 'Jew Fever.' It's this kind of a cool Hallmark show that I think is going to be sort of a ... it's actually coming from the Right, but it's really cool. It's about this family, you know. They live in Ohio and they're farmers and pretty conservative, pretty right wing and this Jew comes in, actually comes in from space. I guess he lands on some sort of ... I don't know exactly what the story is. I just thumbed through it. I wasn't able to bring the script home. But I guess this Martian, sort of like 'Mork & Mindy,' he lands in their backyard, big like 'Superman' thing, and they run out there and they pop open this egg, and this little Jew jumps out. Now I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not very Jew-y looking. I'm sort of semi-Jew-y looking. I could be maybe Italian? You know, in the right position? But I could be Jew-y too. So I come out and I look kind of Jew-y...

I come out as a baby, you know, like a little baby and I come out and I do sort of a couple minutes with them and I grow up and I sort of jump and you see me doing incredible things like reading the Torah really fast and kissing the mezuzah like a thousand times, stuff like that. He's just a Jew, and he's just a nervous Jew. And he works in the yeshiva and puts out a yeshiva newsletter and there he meets Esther.

Of course there's more. Including the Gutt's take on "nasty penguins," his "unbelievable" performance on Veronica Mars and the subtle difference in connotation between "child fondler" and "child molester."

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