Game Over

Tom Cruise has had a rough year. Lots of bad press. Some weird couch dancing. A marriage that roughly 80% of all Americans believe is a complete sham. A baby that may or may not exist. Mediocre box office. And then a very public rebuke from Paramount chief Sumner Redstone that left him belly up and looking for financing.

Yet throughout it all I believed Cruise would pull through. Just like his character in All the Right Moves, he'd turn the tables on the authority figure who tried to hold him down. Just like in Risky Business, he'd get his house cleaned up in just the nick of time. Just like in Eyes Wide Shut, he'd have heterosexual sex in front of a crowd of people and we'd realize all the rumors were untrue.

But now, with the announcement that Cruise has inked a deal with Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder ... well, now I know it's all over but the crying. If there's anyone who can take a pickaxe to the hull of a gently sinking ship, it's Snyder, the man who turned the Washington Redskins into the Tampa Bay Buccaneers -- and not the snazzy silver-and-red-uniformed Bucs who won a Super Bowl; I'm talking the Creamsicle-uniformed, Vinny Testaverde-era Bucs.

Expect Snyder to throw lots and lots of money at the Cruise "problem," perhaps bringing in past-their-prime stars to hang out with Cruise and try to improve his image. And Cruise's new publicist? Jeff George.


aaron said...

I know the old Bucs were bad, but don't diss on their old uniforms! And their logos were awesome too!

dave said...

I heard that parking for the next Tom Cruise movie will be $50 per car, in a lot roughly a marathon's length away from the theater, with shuttles that will carry fans into the actual theater. Walking will be illegal. And popcorn will cost $20 per container. It's going to be awesome.

TMC said...

kistulentz has to have a comment on this one.