I Watch "Airborne" So You Don't Have To.

Let's say it's the early 90s, and you want to develop a major theme of childhood, EXTREME!! sports vs. piddling Team Sports and their subjugation of the individual. How do you write this movie? And will it get made?

You start out with this kid, who's a GREAT surfer from sunny Orange County. But one day someone harshed on his wave, he flipped out, and next thing you know he's stuck with his cousin in Cincinnati. He feels bad for what he did to the dude who stole his wave, so he is determined to "play it cool", if only those damn Cincy kids would let him. They don't like his pretty eyes, his cool earring, how he calls them "brah" all the time, or his "own goal" in a pickup hockey game against the hated Preps, who also hate him. So what does he turn to? Inline skating, of course. Because he is a GREAT inline skater, as well as being a GREAT surfer. And he can inline skate ALL BY HIMSELF, but also with other likeminded skaters, who willingly give him top position on the halfpipe because he is so AWESOME!

He freestyles all over the place with his hang loose attitude that even his girl thinks makes him a wimp. Eventually he is roped into an inline skating race from way atop Mount Cincy 10 miles or so down to Riverfront Stadium, avoiding cars, jumping over walls, pushing hated Preps over guardrails, and the like. Which is actually kind of cool, the race, that is. At the end, the crazy rules of the race give him an opportunity to show those stupid team-sportists that his chill, EXTREME!!! sporting ways don't get in the way of him being a good teammate.

Does this movie get made? Hells yeah, brah.

**Please note Jack Black in a supporting role as the Team Bully's trusted sidekick, and Seth Green as the quirky cousin. According to IMDB, the star, Shane McDermott, now sells real estate in Texas and has no plans to return to show biz. Like they'd let him.