Oh Paula, You Glorious Drunk

Anyone remember that brief Ashlee Simpson reality show? The one whose primary excuse for existing seemed to be convincing us Ashlee had "throat problems" that explained her SNL backing-track debacle?

Well, that show's back, only this time it's on Bravo, and instead of Ashlee Simpson explaining away her lip-synching, it's Paula Abdul explaining away her drunkenness.

I watched an episode of "Hey Paula" last night, since rain in Philadelphia kept all but the most die-hard Hall and Oats fans indoors. Throughout the episode, Paula and her publicist continually talked about how tired she was, how she's an insomniac, how she only sleeps a couple hours a night, how she keeps such a killer schedule. Then, in the show's last moments, it became clear why: this was all leading up to Paula's now-infamous Press Junket of Incoherent Drunken Rambling, in which her answers to routine morning-news-show queries grew increasingly odd as the interviews went on (here's just one example).

Apparently she's not drunk in that clip. Nor is she hopped up on goofballs. Nope -- just really, really tired!

Judging from "Hey Paula," Abdul is also "tired" while sampling scents for her own perfume line, she's "tired" in her limo while yelling at her assistants for failing to bring the sweatpants she likes to wear on flights, she's "tired" while scaring the bejesus out of Tim Gunn at some sort of fashion awards event, and she's "really, really tired" while slurring her order at Starbucks at 2:30 am.

Also, she seems to be "tired" even when doing the narration for the show. People's mouths don't hang slack like that unless they're long-term drunks or have a touch of the palsy.

Aside from the drunkennesss, I found "Hey Paula" fascinating mainly for the glimpse it provides into the life of a C-list celebrity. Paula's famous enough that people stop her on the street for autographs, but not famous enough that she can stop hawking cheap jewelry on QVC.

I'm not sure this show's as entertaining as, say, "Taradise," but it's not half bad.


dave said...

Wow, I caught this show last week. It's exactly as Mike describes it, which is to say, really good, really terrible television. I thought the most interesting thing about it was how much like a 6 year old Paula Abdul is. The dynamic between her and her people is just about exactly the dynamic between a 6 year old and his/her parents. They kind of stand around and watch her fondly and hope she does/says the right thing, or something marginally appropriate, or something not terribly embarrassing or obviously oxycontin-ent. When she manages to not embarrass herself, they all kind of smile and pat her on the back and breathe a huge sigh of relief. When she does embarrass herself, they try to encourage her toward something that would be less embarrassing, but it's pretty clear that a general steer is about all they're capable of. The other awesome thing is when she complains that all the press over her drunkenness/prescription pill habit/exhaustion is ruining her "creativity." What exactly is it that Paula Abdul is creating again?

TMC said...

Paula Abdul creates beauty, Dave.

Mike said...

Apparently, Dave, you've never heard of a little project called Bratz: The Movie.

Also, she's got her own perfume line. It smells like a blend of peach schnapps and expired Vicodin.