Me Disagree Man Write Bad Bad!

Our educational system has many problems: dead-end schools, misallocated funding, corrupt school boards, incompetent teachers, overreliance on testing, overreliance on self-esteem, intransigent teachers unions, you name it. However, this article is one of the least persuasive critiques of the American educational system ever. Here's a quick paraphrase:

See I know this guy, and he teaches, and his students get dumber and dumber, and like, there's no limit to how dumb they can get, and like, you know, I don't care who's the President in 2008 but I'm moving to France because there everyone has jobs and there they've never heard of the term "dissolute youth" and no one there ever riots and burns cars and man I wish I could go live in Iowa on a farm but Jesus got there first plus I'm not their kind of people they'd probably eat me or even worse convert me.

But don't take it from me, take if from the hard data:

He cites studies, reports, hard data, from the appalling effects of television on child brain development (i.e.; any TV exposure before 6 years old and your kid's basic cognitive wiring and spatial perceptions are pretty much scrambled for life),
Yeah, Dave Housley, author of a collection of stories known as Ryan Seacrest Is Famous, thanks to your stupid book I had my year old niece watch American Idol so that I could point out Ryan Seacrest and now she drools all the time, can barely walk or talk, and likes to do incredibly stupid things like eat lint. And she has less teeth than a redneck on meth. Thanks, Dave.

Also, just curious, but does hard data have internet links? Or do I have to break open a computer to get to it?

And here's another good one:

What, too fatalistic? Don't worry. Soon enough, no one will know what the word even means.
Ooh Snap!! But is this gentleman using "fatalistic" properly? I thought fatalistic meant being resigned to one's fate, not predicting a particularly bad one. Presumably if he was truly resigned to this fate of eventually watering the crops with Mondo, BECAUSE MONDO HAS WHAT PLANTS CRAVE, he wouldn't have bothered to write this column. Maybe this guy was exposed to television as a young child. In fact, I would count on it.

1 comment:

dave said...

Dude, I've been watering my son with nothing but Mondo and Rock of Love and he's already bench pressing 400 pounds and totally scoring chicks every night by telling them with a tear in his eye about the stripper who broke his heart and how he wrote every rose has its thorn. Rock on, drink Mondo!