Beowulf is Cool, Yo!

I saw the animated Beowulf in 3D right before Thanksgiving, and while the look of the movie was impressive, I was even more shocked by the way that they tweaked the old Norse legend and actually improved on it, and gave it an ambiguous ending to boot.

One of the annoying things about it was that some of the characters looked exactly like the humans voicing them, like Antthony Hopkins, Angelina Jolie, and surprisingly, Crispin Glover, but others did not, like Beowulf himself--voiced by 50 something Ray Winstone, and for some reason they couldn't make Robin Wright Penn's character look like Princess Buttercup, a semi-major failing. The movie tries to do too much, shoehorning a quasi-critique of Christianity as the "new religion" that is destroying the heroic age that doesn't really fit in the movie, and also features a monster wearing high heels (guess which one!).

Here is a trailer that actually captures the transformed story pretty well, without giving too much away. I hope.

For No Particular Reason At All

NPR Rocks

I never thought I'd say those two things together, but it's true: NPR rocks. They've pulled together all their various music stuff -- previously scattered all over their huge-ass site -- into one nifty little spot: NPR Music.

The site includes in-studio sessions from Philly's great WXPN, as well as loads of live shows from DC's own 9:30 Club.

Including, amazingly, last night's totally kickass show by the Hold Steady.

Check out the site, check out the show.

Hiphoponomics

This is completely brilliant.

A sample:





And a chart of one of my favorites:









link courtesy of gerry canavan's blog

Everybody underestimates the kick in the groin

Let former UFC champ Bas Rutten teach you to defend yourself!



And remember: it doesn't work if you don't make the accompanying sound effects.

The Football Coach Online Translator, Redskins Version

In honor of this week's Eagles-Redskins tilt at FedEx Field, I give you (and TMac) the greatest dictionary definition ever.

A "true Redskin": Aging journeyman skill position player who wouldn't make the roster of most "good" teams and lacks any discernible above average skills. And he loves Jesus. See "Thrash, James."

more at:
http://wheelhouse.blogspot.com/2007/11/gibbs-to-english-dictionary.html

Mandy Moore Dating Matthew Perry?

I don't know whether to be hopelessly crushed or stupidly optimisitic over this news.

Quite frankly, as of 2007, if Mandy Moore has descended to this depth, then li' ol' me can't be far behind...or maybe she's on a magical dating tour of Zach Braff's comedic influences.

Hat Tip: The Superficial , where there's lots of good stuff about George Clooney almost throwing down with Fabio, Kim Kardashian's patootie, Dog: the Interview, and did I mention Kim Kardashian's pooper?

Trust Slate to Take a Backlash Too Far

With regards to my previous Seinfeld post, I just stumbled across Ron Rosenbaum's ode to Rick Shapiro, a foul-mouthed comedian who was pretty funny as the vagrant brother of Mrs. Lucky Louie. Not saying this guy isn't funny, though one of the clips on his MySpace page wasn't all that great, but Rosenbaum clearly takes things too far here:

Shapiro's riffs are not only NSFW, they're NSFL—Not Safe For Life. They're unhealthy and often deeply disturbing. They're not about Seinfeld's quotidian "nothing," they're about a profound, nihilistic Nothingness. Hilarious, yes, exhilarating to hear someone say such uncompromisingly ugly truths, but it's a bitter brew: He makes the legendary Lenny Bruce sound as bland as Seinfeld the billionaire bore.

Say what you will about the current manifestation of Seinfeld, but Seinfeld the Show's depiction of "nothing" was nihilism dressed up as quotidian. It is true, as Rosenbaum says, that Jerry's Upper West Side seemed more like suburbia, but maybe that was precisely the point. Jerry and his friends were mean and selfish and they constantly let nagging, insignificant details become obsessions and ruin any chances at happiness they could have. Remember that George's cheapness got his fiance killed, which brought him great relief; Jerry got a Pakistani man deported; and in the finale they all end up in jail for laughing at--and videotaping--a fat guy getting mugged instead of helping him.

It is well and good to rip Seinfeld a new one for his Bee Movie and endless shilling, but quite another to retroactively dismiss his real accomplishments, and his show's lasting influence on comedy today (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is a highly enjoyable Seinfeld rip-off. Charlie=George / Sweet Dee = Elaine)

New Reviews on Growler

New reviews are up over at Barrelhouse's sister site for poetry reviews, Growler.

Our reviewers take on first books by Carly Sachs, Dorothea Lasky, Anne Pierson Weise, and Lisa Olstein.

Carly Sachs' meditation on memory, loss, and the holocaust, the steam sequence, is the latest from Washington Writers' Publishing House; Dorothea Lasky's Awe from Wave Books; Anne Pierson Weise won the 2006 Walt Whitman Award from the Academy of American Poets; and jubilat editor Lisa Olstein's Radio Crackling, Radio Gone is new from Copper Canyon.

Jerry is Larry, Larry is Jerry, Jerry is Larry...That's It! Jerry's a Jerk!

Having had to sit through the Jerry Seinfeld TV miniatures on NBC promoting Jerry Seinfeld and/or Bee Movie, this Jerry Seinfeld backlash can't happen soon enough. Good to see he's doing his part to help it along.

Maybe, Jerry, just maybe, your wife is not doing it for the money, but maybe, just maybe, the author who wrote the first book is? Maybe, just maybe, she needs the money more than your wife? I guess if you're not doing it for the money, you can pretty much do anything, no? Like shill yourself out to a huge corporation that has nothing to do with your movie, just to sell a few more tickets to a mediocre movie? Personally, I think Jerry's wife wanted to fill the void of celebrity do-gooder wife now that Laurie David is out of the loop, and Hot Button Issue #2 is children's obesity and its chief enabler: cupcakes



The genius of Larry David is becoming clearer and clearer: When you are assholish rich, it's better to play one on TV too, rather than try to endear yourself to an American public that you never really liked in the first place.

More on the Jerry Seinfeld we are coming to know and hate.

Barrelhouse Online: Fall 2007

Hello little monkeys:

The new online issue of Barrelhouse is up and running on these here Interwebs, featuring new fiction about Tom Cruise, Mitch Albom, the difficulties of marriage and creepy New Agey self-help gurus.

Plus an essay on Wonder Woman Barbie, and our own Dave Housley's tribute to the greatest reality show of all time.

Check it out.

And remember: if you want to be Internet Famous just like these fine, fine writers, submit your best, strangest, funniest, shortest, most unsettling, Earth-shattering work via our super-fancy online submissions manager (select "online" under the genre tab).

Happy reading!