Identical Twins -- With Opposite Personalities!

This is totally gunking up Barrelhouse with my girl cooties, but there must be someone out there as simultaneously excited and appalled by this as I am.

I followed the Wakefields (flirty Jessica, brainy Elizabeth and older brother Steven!) and friends (rich Lila! richer Bruce! nerdy Winston! boring Enid! cardboard Todd! that quarterback who went blind!) from junior high backstabbing all the way to Elizabeth's regrettable spiked punch/vehicular manslaughter incident after a sorority party, which clearly led to Jessica's equally regrettable post-grad affair with the devastatingly handsome sociopath who kidnapped both twins and drove them around the desert for a totally evil reason that made sense at the time.

My sister and I (she was a Jessica, I was a jealous Elizabeth) had the board game -- and played it regularly. Sometimes we did find our boyfriends in time for the big game, sometimes not. We maxed out our library cards. One year, in true Gift of the Magi style, we each gifted the other with The Wakefield Legacy for Christmas. (Condensed version, for those who won't bother clicking the link: rose imagery, illegitimate babies, TRAGEDY, earthquake sex and flower children.)

Clearly, so much awesomeness absolutely deserves a reissue. But why shrink Jessica and Elizabeth to a Size 4 and slap them into Juicy sweatsuits? Let the Wakefields be the Wakefields, I say -- and let them exist forever in a mythical California where every girl's eyes match the ocean on a clear day, milkshakes are an all-the-time food, boyfriends bring corsages and the school parking lot is clogged with vanity plates and private jets. And where, of course, sisterhood trumps all.