Whither American Insulters?

When you want someone insulted on primetime TV, why do you have to import Limeys to do it? Simon Cowell can dress you down with the best of them, sure, and now we have the Hell’s Kitchen dude to toss off one-liners such as “You’re not a quitter, eh, well you’re not a chef either” in a Cockney accent. Don’t we have any downhome American degraders? Besides, who says that talent evaluaters need be real people? I think the next reality show should be about aspiring bartenders with a celebrity panel featuring Al Swearengen of Deadwood, Sam Malone, and Isaac of Love Boat.

Swearengen: (growling) What is this tripe? You go**amned co*****er, you corpulent mud-encrusted cattle f***ing piece of sh**! Serve me this swill again and I swear to God that I will take my shotgun and personally perforate your pecker and feed what’s left of it to the pigs! Now say that three times really fast, go**amnit!!

Sam Malone: Geez, I don't know, this drink is limper than…

Isaac: Abandon ship!

No comments: