The Double Double Deuce

I know Tuesdays are for TV, and movie day was yesterday, but all usual Barrelhouse rules are suspended when a news item concerns, even tangentially, our favorite actor: The Swayze.

If Barrelhouse were run by Matt Drudge, this item would be in all-cap italics with a little red police siren rotating above it:

There is going to be a Roadhouse sequel!!

Of course Road House 2 will NOT star The Swayze, who as we all know has a keen business sense and, like Kenny Rogers, knows when to hold 'em, etc. etc. When to hold 'em: Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights. When to fold 'em: previous Dirty Dancing sequel proposals, the short-lived Dirty Dancing television series, and Roadhouse 2 (apparently).

Instead of Swayze, the second Roadhouse will feature some guy named Johnathon Schaech. Already I don't like this. Somehow, "what's your favorite Schaech [apparently it's pronounced like deck] movie" doesn't have quite the same ring to it (though I suppose if your answer were How To Make an American Quilt, that might indeed say something about either your gender, your personality, or both).

Schaech will be playing "a graduate student who must run his uncle's bar and fight to maintain control as a local crime boss tries to take it over." Huh. I'm not sure a grad student is the person you want protecting your bar against crime bosses, unless his graduate work is in kung fu or drunken knife fighting. I'm a grad student, and if I had crime bosses after me, I'd be hiding behind the bar with a bottle of whiskey crying like a little girl.

So while I'm keeping my fingers crossed on Roadhouse 2, I'm predicting straight-to-video.

There's also, apparently, going to be an I Know What You Did Last Summer 3, which, according to the Reuters story, "focuses on new characters who didn't appear in the first two movies." Translation: this movie is so bad even Freddie Fucking Prinze turned it down.

And apparently a second Hollow Man. But since I didn't see the first, I have nothing snarky to say about that one.


dave said...

My god this is huge. It may just call for a Very Special issue of Barrelhouse. Who will play the Sam Elliot character? I don't know of any modern actors who express themselves strictly through their eyebrows and the twinkle in their mustaches. The best would really be if Patrick Himself played the wise old bouncer role, passing the torch to this Schaech character (by the way, favorite Schaech movie: That Thing You Do. Also the answer to the question "favorite Steve Zahn movie" and "favorite movie directed by Tom Hanks").

And what of Doctor Kelly Lynch? Well, i guess there are plenty of little cupcakes out there who can fill her smock capably.

I'm relatively sure Jeff Healey is still around to reprise his role as well.

Lesley said...

A grad student is the perfect person protecting your bar from crime bosses - especially if it is grad student/spy Sidney Bristow.

dave said...

Can Barrelhouse: The Musical be far behind? Let's hope not.

Kistulentz said...

Let's not get all medieval on Mr. Schaech. Besides having a stage name that is admirably difficult to spell (a quality most admired by Kistulentzes worldwide) AND being married to Christina Applegate, he was also the singer in the Wonders in that Tom Hanks film That Thing You Do.

aaron said...

Jonathan Schaech...he's so dreamy...