I pity the fool who's reduced to shilling socks!

If they ever make an updated version of the Mr. T in Your Pocket, here's another soundbite they can add: "I pity the fool who has holes in his socks!"

I'd like to say I made that quote up, but alas, it's real, straight from the mouth of T himself, or perhaps from the mouth of his publicist, speaking on T's behalf. Mr. T has been reduced to shilling socks. Oh, how the somewhat mighty have fallen!

"I found out after all of these years that if you want to be tough, you've got to walk tough. And the only way to walk tough is to wear Hanes Double Tough Socks!"

For any of you Barrelhouse readers in the Chicagoland area, you have the unique opportunity to see Mr. T throw out this evening's first pitch -- without shoes! -- at U.S. Cellular Field. The Chicago White Sox are taking on the Boston Red Sox, which makes it a perfect time for Hanes to introduce Mr. T as the official spokesman for their line of Double Tough Socks. Get it? Sox-Socks? That's what we call synergy, people.

You may be asking yourself: What kinds of socks are worthy of an endorsement from the T-Man himself? And the answer is: Only the best.

"'Hanes Double Tough Socks were created in direct response to the No. 1 sock complaint for men and boys - holes in the heels and toes. Consumers wanted a tougher sock, so we designed a sock with extra durability along with the comfort you expect from Hanes,' said Director of Marketing, Hanes Socks Jolanda Uittenbogaard. 'Because we doubled the reinforcement in the heels and toes, Hanes socks now last longer, providing even more value to our consumers.'"

I wonder what the No. 2 sock complaint of men and boys was? And what about women? They don't like the durable socks?

Here's a link to the news release, if you think I'm making this up. Believe me, I wish I were.