8.10.2005

Rock and Roll all Nite...With Your Officially Licensed Merchandise

For no real reason, other than possibly to prove that truth is stranger and more entertaining than fiction, following is a random assortment of items currently available on the official KISS online store :

  • KISS bowling ball
  • KISS Strikes bowling shirt
  • Love Guns blanket
  • Destroyer single lightswitch cover
  • KISS Lick it Up thong panties
  • I Love KISS panties
  • Lick It Up camisole and underwear set
  • KISS World Domination keychain
  • KISSmas t-shirt
  • KISS Army leather vest
  • Denim Farewell shirt
  • Alive II decorative ceramic tile
  • Pscycho Circus set of 4 gold coins
  • 10-inch autographed figurine
  • KISS symbols and shield logo doormat
  • Psycho Circus glass KISSmas ornament
  • Flames photo wall clock
  • KISS personal checks

And my own personal favorites:

KISS Farewell lunchbox
Add another one to your collection. You can't pass on this embossed Farewell Lunchbox...and don't forget a collector's set of thermoses.

A collector's set of thermoses? Rock and roll!!!

KISS-opoloy
Rock and Roll All Nite with KISS-opoly. What an amazing board game. This game allows players to own many of their greatest hits, their merchandise, and their albums while trading their Gold Records for Platinum Records! Players roll the black dice and advance to ROCK & ROLL ALL NITE, wondering if they’ll be “Hired as a roadie to set up the Catman’s drums” or if they will “win 2nd Place in the Girls of KISS Beauty Contest!” All the while, players must try not to get stuck in SOLD OUT SHOW, Lose Their Ticket, or Get in Trouble for Disturbing the Peace!

Nothing says rock and roll all nite like board games.

Gene bust:
This incredible bust authentically details the Gene of the Destroyer era. The awe-inspiring 20" sculpture is a wonder to behold, so magnificent it’s almost as good as the real thing. Certificate of Authenticity included with each bust. Keep it on your piano or better yet your amp for daily inspiration!

You kind of have to see this to believe it. Picture a cartoon gargoyle with Gene Simmons' face. Full color. Okay, now picture that on your piano.

Tongue Lubricated KISS Kondoms:
Introducing Tongue Lubricated KISS Kondoms, featuring a wicked red latex coated with a special tongue lubrication. 3 condoms/pk. Please note that this item is not returnable.

Tongue lubricated? Am I to understand that Gene Simmons has personally licked all of these condoms, thereby transferring any disease that he may have picked up from the three billion teenage whores he's screwed? Rock on!

1 comment:

joe said...

Man, you totally have an unholy love of this band.