10.07.2005

I was heavily recruited by Microlinks, Inc.

The Barrelhouse submission boxes get a fair amount of junk mail--the price we pay for posting our addresses online so y'all can submit your unsolicited, but lovely, stories. Generally, the junk that comes in--the crap mail that is, not your submissions--are self-perpetuating virus type things, attachements titled "You nude," or "Dirty Pix," or "Do Me."

The one below, however, came in as is and I had to share it with you. I've changed nothing. I couldn't create syntax this bad. My comments are parenthetical:

Dear Sir/Madam,
Good day would you like to Work online from home and gets paid weekly? (Would I!?! You, sir, have read my mind. Nothing makes me happier than getsing paid weekly. Please, tell me more.) Microlinks Inc. needs a Book-Keeper in the United State, so I want to know if you will like to work Online from home and getting paid weekly without leaving or affecting your present Job. (Of course I'll like it. The idea of a second job, while usually something of a drag, sounds delightful the way you phrase it. What's the deal?) It's just that I presently run a Textile and Fabrics firm I inherited from my late Dad in the UK and we need Someone to work for the Company as a Representative/Book Keeper in the United States, My Company produces Various Clothing Materials, Batiks, Assorted Fabrics and Traditional Costume which we have Clients we Supply Weekly in the States, My Clients make payments for our Supplies every Week in form of Money Orders, Bankers Draft and Checks, which are not Readily Cashable Outside the United States so we need Someone in the States to work as our representative and Assist us in processing the payments from Our Clients and I will pay him Weekly Salary. (Wow, that was a really long sentence. Unless you meant those commas as periods. Either way, you lost me. What exactly do you need me to do?)

All you Need to do is Receive this payments from Our Clients in the States get it Cashed in your Bank then Deduct your Weekly pay and Forward the Balance to the Company down here VIA MONEYGRAMM TRANSFER our payments will be Issued out in your Name and you get them Cashed in your Bank Deduct your Weekly Salary and Forward the Balance to the Company VIA MONEYGRAMM TRANSFER, So all I need is to Forward your Information’s to our Clients in the United States and they Issue payments in form of Money Orders then Send it to you Via or mail Courier. (Hang on. You send me the money. I put it in my bank. Take a little for myself and then wire the rest to you? I guess I should be asking why you can't get your own bank account, but I'm so intrigued I don't really care. Just tell me: What do you need from me?)

I will need is your Full Name, Address and Phone Number so we can forward it to Our Clients and they will Start making payments to you as the Company representative in the States, I will Email you a Letter of Employment from our Company which you have to reply with an Acceptance Letter and a Scanned Copy of your Identification Attached to it as Soon as we Confirm any payment coming to you I will let you know and I will give you the Information to Send Funds to the Company VIA MONEYGRAMM TRANSFER, for further information reply me on this email address microlinksuk@gmail.com and we will get back to you as soon as possible. (This sounds great, but I wouldn't feel comfortable sending a photocopy of my ID and signature without also including my social security number. Is there a place for that, too? Also, to some, though certainly not me, it might look odd that a business has only a gmail account rather than your own web domain, but some people ask too much, I know.)

I Await your Urgent Response.

Warmest Regards,
Mr., Steve Douglas.CEO
Microlinks Fabrics & Textiles.

7 comments:

Mike said...

So I guess, in a way, we've accepted his "piece" for publication. You would think these internet scam folks could at least brush up on their grammar and spelling. Although I suppose the upside to their bad mechanics is that there's really no excuse for anyone to fall for their ploys.

TMC said...

Wow, he's awaiting your urgent response. You better make sure it's not casual when you get back to him.

Also, if you don't take that job, I might. Lemme know. Sounds better than Unemployed Writer.

Ruth Anne said...

I got the same e-mail sent to me, I do not feel comfortable sending my ID to anyone I can not see and I know for sure I am working a job.
I asked them to clear up my question which was " I was not really clear on how I get paid, it sounds like if I(me working for you) gets paid then I get paid, is this correct?" I in return only go a application no real direct answer. I am not going to fill it out. I even told them I did not feel comfortable sending my ID, they assured me it was ok. LOL

R Antigua said...

I guess I don't have to repeat the same coments, you all know what the offer is all about. What I did I search the UK search engines and came out with several names. One of course was Steve Douglas, CEO. Now, the one I received was from a Fred Collins, more than likely they are partners or some kind of a mafia type of group.


About a two months ago, an article came out in a local newspaper about a lady who got involved in a scam like this and it turn out to be a scam, all the money orders she recieved in her name were all fake money orders. She was put in jail, and later released because of the investigation they found out she was innocent.

Be careful!!

Gordon said...

Mine was from :
Mr.JOHN FRANK.
CEO trade Fabrics & Textiles

I wonder how many CEO's a company can have?

Kris said...

Dear Sir/Madam,

Would you like to Work Online from home and get paid Weekly ? Microlinks Inc. needs a Book-Keeper in the United State,So i want to know if you will like to work Online from home and getting paid Weekly without leaving or Affecting your present Job?

It's just that i presently run a Textile and Fabrics firm i inherited from my late Dad in the UK and we need Someone to work for the Company as a Representative/Book Keeper in the United States,My Company produces Various Clothing Materials, Batiks, Assorted Fabrics and Traditional Costume which we have Clients we Supply Weekly in the States,My Clients make payments for our Supplies every Week in form of Money Orders,Bankers Draft and Checks, which are not Readily Cashable Outside the United States so we need Someone in the States to work as our representative and Assist us in processing the payments from Our Clients and i will pay him Weekly Salary.

All you Need to do is Receive this payments from Our Clients in the States get it Cashed in your Bank then Deduct your Weekly pay and Foward the Balance to the Company down here VIA MONEYGRAMM TRANSFER our payments will be Issued out in your Name and you get them Cashed in your Bank Deduct your Weekly Salary and Foward the Balance to the Company VIA MONEYGRAMM TRANSFER,So all I need is to Foward your Informations to our Clients in the United States and they Issue payments in form of Money Orders then Send it to you Via or mail Courier.

I will need is your Full Name,Address and Phone Number so we can foward it to Our Clients and they will Start making payments to you as the Company representative in the States,I will Email you a Letter of Empolyment from our Company which you have to reply with an Acceptance Letter and a Scanned Copy of your Indetification Attached to it as Soon as we Confirm any payment coming to you i will let you know and i will give you the Information to Send Funds to the Company VIA MONEYGRAMM TRANSFER.

I Await your Urgent Response.

Warmest Regards,
Mr, Smith J.
CEO Microlinks Fabrics & Textiles

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h2 said...

I have recently received a new incarnation of this particular scam from a Mr. Daniel Davis. I know this is an old posting, but since my version of this delightful little piece of prose is much more articulate and savvy, I was wondering if maybe you revamped it and unleashed it back out on to the world. I did also notice that again, their clients use "money orders, bankers drafts and cheques" - why can't they acccept wire transfers from clients? I'd love to tell them that I'll give them my info later, but I need their bank name, branch and address, account, SWIFT code, beneficiary name and address. I will also need their signature to ensure that the bank can verify it. This will make sure that I can choose my own pay scale and be paid swiftly.