Why is Usher Famous?

Seriously. Can anybody tell me the answer to that question?

I know who he is. Or at least what he looks like. I know he's wildly famous -- famous enough to be on my television every 12 minutes pimping his new DVD collection, which seems to be an extended dance video that could easily be mistaken for Britney or Janet Jackson or any other lipsyncin' and dancin' act.

I know he's an R&B singer with a big nose and really well defined abs. And he frequently wears a jaunty cap and no shirt -- all the better to deemphasize that honker and emphasize those abs.

I know that somebody, somewhere, sitting in the corner office of some giganto multimedia conglomerate has deigned that Usher Will Be Famous.

I just don't know why.

I can't remember ever hearing a single Usher tune. I remember changing the channel on the videos, or thinking "well, that guy can dance pretty well...and, hey, nice hat." I just can't remember any of the music.

Can you hum a snippet of an Usher tune? I dare you -- hum it right now.

Yeah...I can't either.

Is he that good looking? I mean, I know he's okay, and I'm all for anybody making all they can out of what they got. But come on -- I'm pretty sure there's hundreds of better looking guys out there delivering packages right now.

So what's the deal? Who anointed this guy? How does this shit happen? What the hell is going on here?


Reb said...

My sister (lawyer, age 29) is crazy for Usher. The answer is yes, he's that good looking and that good of a dancer. She likes his CDs too. I think. She owns them and says they're wonderful.

Mike said...

He is a hell of a dancer, Dave. I can hum at one Usher tune, but maybe because I've seen that DVD commercial about one trillion times over the last couple weeks.

aaron said...

Usually when you call out Usher, you have a 12 year old Daughter asking you every 5 seconds if she can go to his concert.

Dave, I admire your precociousness.

dave said...

Is dancing all we need out of our singers now?

Isn't that kind of like if you said, "you know, that Michael Chabon is a hell of a writer. I mean, that guy can REALLY, REALLY READ."

But isn't he a writer?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I saw him read this thing last year, and man, he kicked ass.

What was he reading? Was it something he wrote? Did he at least type it?

Who cares! He reads like a motherfucker. You get a guy to orchestrate his reading style, another guy to teach him how to read this particular text, a bunch of background readers who will all kind of ape his reading in a rhythmic, organized way, and some good, nonoffensive, radio friendly reading material, and Chabon will tear the house down with his reading skillz!

I mean, not to belabor the point, but how good of a dancer was Marvin Gaye? Sam Cooke? Could Van Morrison cut a choreographed, pre-programmed rug?

Sorry, but I hate the radio right now, and I really love music but couldn't hate pop music and all this pre-programmed showmanship any more.

But I may start sporting the jaunty cap. And I am always up for a dance-off.

TMC said...

Don't mess with Usher, Dave.

Mike was just in my apartment on Sunday raving about what a big star he is.

I suspect Mike is hoarding his writing riches to buy a big, diamond chain with the usher logo, and possibly even a pimp cup.

Mike said...

I will definitely be buying a pimp cup as soon as I can afford one.

Kistulentz said...

Dave, your post was good, but it was not CRUNK-tastic.

dave said...

There's only one place to score a pimp cup, and that is Iced Out Gear:

I personally recommend the Pimpadelic Clear Glass, if only so you can use the word "Pimpadelic" as much as possible.

The best $20 you'll ever spend on $1.75 worth of materials.

And you should all consider yourselves served.

Just wait til I break out the Aaron Pease Run to the Hills dance on your sorry asses. You won't know what...uh...danced in front of you.

TMC said...

Wow, I didn't realized pimp cups were so affordable.
I'd assumed you needed to be more affluent to drink from such a luxurious cup.

Maybe I'll buy one and carry it to class while I teach. I can drink yoo-hoo out of it, and show all the kids that I'm still hip, and with it.

aaron said...

what about dip cups? are they still cool?

joe said...

Um, who is Usher?

Snake said...

Washboard abdominals.