Wingnut of the Week: Baby Fever!

It seems to me there are lots of reasons a person might want to have a baby. Maybe even many, many babies. But I'm particularly fond of the reasons given by Nancy Campbell, proprietess of the web site Above Rubies. They're such a compelling mix of the practical, spiritual, and borderline creepy:

• I'll have more people to love.
• I'll have more hands to help.
• My children think I'm beautiful no matter how I look.
• The more children we have, the more they entertain one another.
• It's an honor for the Lord to use my womb again.
• My children help me surrender the selfish desires of my flesh.
• Jesus said that when we welcome a little child into our home and family we are actually welcoming Him. I don't want to spurn Jesus.
• We still have an empty seat in our van, and we'd like to fill it!
• There will be more people to pay for the aged's social security benefits.
• It sure is nice to kiss and smell a little one again. Their scent is so sweet.
• Babies are future dish washers!
• Babies are a lot more entertaining than TV.
• So I can buy cute baby and children's clothes, even if it's at a yard sale.
• My body was created for this purpose.

Unfortunately, not everyone's on board with the baby fever. As Nancy notes on her web site, "the womb is under attack." Mostly from the usual suspects -- abortion, contraception, tubal ligations and hysterectomies. But also from -- are you ready for this, people? -- curses.

The sins of the parents from past generations can bring a curse upon the womb. It can also come upon us through our own sin or negative confession. We should be careful not to speak negatively about any of our reproductive organs. Guard how you speak about menstruation. When you call it 'the curse' or other negative names, you give an opportunity for the curse of barrenness or other disorders to come to your womb. A curse on the womb can be a failure to menstruate, painful or irregular menstruation, cramps, cysts, tumors, continual miscarriage and inability to conceive - in fact, anything that affects your reproductive organs.

Let that be a warning to you, ladies: speak nice about your hoo-hoo or God may smite it.

Nancy also provides some inspirational stories to give women hope. Like the story of Kelly Belanger, whose husband Mike, after their third child and a stint in rehab ("he did so much cocaine he said his heart felt like it was going to explode"), decided to have a vasectomy.

As you might have already guessed, what came after that wasn't so hot. Kelly, who had recently found Jesus, worried that she and Mike were "withholding children from the Lord." And Mike couldn't find any friends:

Mike was looking for a close personal relationship with a friend, but he felt he could never connect with anybody in AA or NA or with the friends we had left over from us changing our life style. Unknown to us there was an elderly couple in the trailer park where we were living, who were Christians. They had been praying for a Christian family to come in to our trailer park to live.

Kelly and Mike started going to church and then, a couple months later:

...Mike told me he wanted to talk to me. He had been listening to some tapes on the value of a child and how a lot of great Christian men and women were the seventh, eighth and ninth child in their families. It got him thinking. What child had he prevented that could have been used to further the Kingdom of God?

Praise be!

But first Kelly and Mike had to convince their other kids, who apparently wanted a pool instead:

What could we have expected? All their lives they’d heard that two or three children are enough for most families. We were in a dilemma! Buy a pool or have a baby? My heart said, "A baby." Mike's heart said, "A baby and pool!" The only money we had for Mike's operation was going to be from the sale of a camper that we owned. We were still not convinced about what to do, so we had the pool man come out and survey our yard. He sprayed a giant, bright orange ring on our lawn to let us know how well the pool would fit in our yard. While we were contemplating our decision, we had to stare at a bright orange circle day after day. Our camper was not selling either. One day I asked Mike, 'Do you think the reason we’re not selling the camper, is because were not following the Lord?' When our hearts became right before the Lord, we sold the camper!

Hallelujah!

But if you think women are meant to be just baby machines, you've got another thing coming. They're also meant to be their husbands "helpers," according to Nancy.

• We help him by caring for the children and making our home a place of joy and sweetness.
• We help him by having an aroma-filled nutritional meal ready for him when he returns to home at the end of the day. This is one task of our great motherhood career on which we cannot slip! It is more important than we realize!
• We help him by having the home ready for him when he arrives--toys and mess cleaned up and thrown out of sight!
• We help him by being excited to see him when he arrives--even if we have had a lousy day! It is a strong woman who can put aside her self-pitying spirit and by faith put on a smiling face. Greet your husband with joy and talk about the troubles later on--after the evening meal and time with the children.
• We help him by being his counter-part--the part that he hasn't got that he needs!

So there you go, ladies. Take your part -- you know, that part you have that men need -- and put it to use! Be fruitful and multiply!

As for you, Nancy -- congratulations on being named the Barrelhouse Wing-Nut of the Week. Your free tee shirt, plus a couple "Baby On Board" car magnets, are on the way.