What Historical Figure Would You Do?

While Dave is busy blog-humping his favorite TV show, I am tasked with much more important things. Like wrestling with history. Like more specifically, what historical figure would I most want to engage in carnality with?

It's a tough call. There's the whole "What's the fuss about " like Cleopatra, or the "darn she's a bad-ass" like Catherine the Great (too intimidating if the rumors are true) and Boadicea, who took on the Romans and got 100,000 Celts killed. There's "if only in real life she looked like Cate Blanchett" like Elizabeth I, and then there's "just plain wrong" like Joan of Arc. So I finally decided to get all medieval on Heloise, known far and wide in her time for her intelligence and wisdom, and for her lover Abelard's nuts being cut off. Heloise wrote some awfully passionate, earthy letters to him also, as can be demonstrated by a quick skim here. Even I am moved by the memorable phrase: "Quorum quidem suggestionibus quid de glorioso", which, translated literally, means: "How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, if you catch my meaning, lover."

So, all five of you Barrelhouse blog readers, I hereby open the "choose the historical constort of your choice" forum. Preferably, someone of whom there is no extant photograh.


Mike said...

1. Bathsheba -- sex in Biblical Times was super hottt.

2. Catherine de Medici -- mostly so I could chill in the Medici crib. Plus, you know she's rocking some high thread count super-soft sheets.

3. Emily Dickinson -- lots of pent-up sexuality just waiting to get out.

Pete said...

Mae West. Hubba hubba.

TMC said...

Elanor Roosevelt, without question.

Jonathan S. said...

Mary Magdeline.