Worst. Songs. Ever.

Blender has a great series of lists up right now about all the worst things in rock (worst 50 songs, worst 50 things to happen to rock, worst 50 artists). I think we can get about a month's worth of blogging out of this. But for now let's concentrate on the 50 worst songs (thanks to Backwards City for the link).

According to Blender, the 50th worst song ever is "My Heart Will Go On," by Celine Dion. The number one worst song ever is "We Built This City" by Starship. Hard to argue that either one should be left off this list, and in between there is a lot of very, very bad rock.

So, Barrelhouse peoples, what's the worst song that is not included in this list?

I'll nominate "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas, and "Owner of a Lonely Heart" by Yes. Actually, I'll pretty much nominate anything by Yes.


Dan said...

My vote would go to Mr. Big's "To Be With You," about a guy "waiting on a line" to be we a promiscuous woman who will take on just about anyone. I mean, there's a line for God's sake! This song is upfront about using a person's insecurity for your own sexual pleasure: "Build up your confidence / so you can be on top for once." There's also a hint that she may have been abused, "Show me what he's done to you," but that doesn't stop our Romeo power-balladier. It's dirty and it's morally bankrupt, but damn does it have a catch melody.

Mike said...

All the songs off The Jacksons comeback vehicle "Victory" are pretty bad, but the videos are awesome. Lots of smoke machine smoke and feminized military uniforms.

But the worst song of all time is Gloria Estefan's The Rhythm is Gonna Get You. Hands down. Not even a contest. At least when some REO Speedwagon song gets stuck in your head it's mildly amusing. But The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You gets stuck in your head and just grates and grates until you want to just kill yourself.

I swear to God, if I ever see Gloria Estefan in public I will punch her right in the throat.

aaron said...

On my way to work the radio played the Stevie Nicks' song that goes: "Just like the white-winged dove sings a song sounds like she's singin' ooo baby ooo ooo"

I think this song has all the virtues, so to speak, of a really bad song: imitating animal voices badly (better to stick with orgasms), a guitar riff that tries to be both "edgy" and "smooth" at the same time, and singing with an ominous urgency completely unbuttressed by the nonsensical lyrics.

Marc Snyder said...

Well, gee, there's so many. . .

How about Billy Joel's "Piano Man"? What a self-righteous jerk - everyone in that bar is a loser because they're living their lives and they aren't the piano man - they put bread in his jar and say "man what are you doing here!?" ugh.

you can see why this song is so popular with teenagers who are convinced that anyone who isn't a teenager is as good as dead.