The Rending of the Fabric of Time Will Be Caused by Fulfillment of Carson Palmer's XMas List

Via Deadspin is a link to Cincinnati Bengals' QB Carson Palmer's Christmas List, wherein he asks for two so mutually incompatible things, we wonder if we should kidnap him and sacrifice him to the gods in order to put off Armageddon.

Dave, can you somehow explain the following from the article??

Quarterback Carson Palmer

1. The new Kevin Federline CD, Playing with Fire. ("A lot of people don't like K-Fed, but he's all right.")

2. A new tie rack. ("Even guys from Southern California wear ties.")

3. A 10-point LTS crossbow. ("It's a new hobby of mine.")

4. Flavor of Love (Season 1) DVD. ("Flav is very smooth, and funny.")

5. A pingpong table. ("Pingpong is fun and helps your hand-eye coordination."

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