From the original text of the non-binding counter-resolution opposing pro-Bono resolution discussed here.
(no word if Chuck Klosterman was brought in to provide expert testimony):
Be it here resolved that that the band U2, fronted by Bono Vox (formerly Paul Hewson), has in its career, from the rudimentary musicianship but infectious spirit of Boy to the jagged, soaring guitars and poetic lyrics of their latest effort, added so much to this state's sonic landscape, which resembles the actual, physical landscape in dreary flatness. However, despite Bono's efforts to save troubled North Dakota teens from depression or suicide by baring his own soul and giving them hope in this great beautiful thing called "Rock n' Roll", a religion presided over by a Tri-Form God consisting of Elvis the Father, James Brown the Holy Spirit, and Bruce Springsteen the Son, we cannot in good conscience elevate Bono above his current status as St. Stephen the first martyr (Peter being Chuck Berry, Doubting Thomas, Little Richard, Paul, Bob Dylan, and The Beloved Disciple, Sting.)
While Bono crusades across the world for debt relief for poor countries, we cannot help but note that if North Dakota were plopped down in sub-Saharan Africa it's GNP would be similar to Angola's and Chad's put together. And our State Comptroller has calculated that merely one week of free concerts by U2 and perhaps opened by The Killers or Coldplay, or even both, held across this wonderful state, all of the proceeds generated therein would satisfy both the collective and individual debts of all North Dakotans and their respective municipal, county, and state governments. Until such time this Legislature and all its members herein, shall table any resolutions that provide accolades to Bono and his band. However, should U2 release a Reggae album, all bets are off, it is hereby resolved.
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