Worst Sports Website TV Blog EVER

Is here. This guy, who's not even the author featured at the top of the page, is like a young Peter King, who in turn is like a young Larry King. An excerpt on his "love" of Friday Night Lights:

Oh, no. I admire its originality and willingness to stick to side plots -- Jason Street would simply go away in any other network show. I love that football action is secondary, but that football philosophy is everywhere. I respect that I can relate to the storylines, or at least try to. I see Kyle Chandler (Coach Taylor) and Connie Britton (Tami Taylor) as an Emmy-worthy duo. And I'd take Aimee eagarden/Zach Gilford over Seth Cohen/Summer Roberts or any combination of 90210-ians any day of the week. That's Florida-versus-Jackson State easy.

And your analysis, my dear sir, is Joakim Noah wearing a dress stupid. Kudos to you for your trenchant "side plots" comment. Because I can't tell you how many times I've watched ER's 4,000 strong ensemble cast and wondered to myself, "Couldn't I just once see them away from work, perhaps in a relationship with another doctor or paramedic, I mean, just once?!" It's infuriating, I know, and thank God for FNL breaking that mold. But it gets worse. On Blades of Glory:

In one word: better. I spent 10 minutes on the phone with Will Arnett for a Q&A this week, and now I'm convinced that he can single-handedly lift this movie out of the gutter. He plays a pairs figure skater alongside his wife Amy Poehler, who is every bit as cute as she is funny.

Will Arnett: Playing GOB, but on skates, will save this movie. Amy Poehler: As cute as she is funny. I don't think cute means what you think it means, brother. But it gets even worser:

Not good. The movie, which comes out March 30, has Will Arnett, which is grand. My Arrested Development-loving bretheren are psyched. But it’s got Napoleon Dynamite, too, which can’t be good. Look at the guy's track record. He’s not funny unless he’s spoon-feeding Chef Boyardee to llamas, essentially. And it's got Will Ferrell, which concerns me the most given that this could easily turn into Talladegha Nights II. On the upside, I’ve heard Ferrell won’t be doing the Blades press circuit in character, which got really old really fast when Talladegha Nights opened. I’ll read the in-character Q&As in Stuff magazine if I want bad jokes that didn’t make the movie.

I keep forgetting that the funniest part of Napoleon Dynamite was the "llama eating Chef Boyardee." I thought it was the "5 minute dancing sequence in front of the whole high school," and because this movie is about "ice dancing", well, maybe I would give it a chance. But if there's even the remote threat that Will Ferrell might try to liven up the press circuit, which I am sure is a laugh riot as is, what with the actors being barraged with stupid questions from all quarters, by acting "in character," well sir, then I am out.

I can't wait to hear this guy's thoughts on Til Death....: "Brad Garrett turns the tables on his "Ray" persona with an endearingly cynical turn, while the "Tantric" Guy from American Pie singlehandedly raises this comedy to sublime levels...I keep expecting him to pork Brad Garretts' wife, and for Brad Garrett to drink monkey sperm!! I smell a Stifler guest spot!!!


dave said...

Wow, this is the best that Sports Illustrated could do? This cat is both clueless (he doesn't know who Paulina is? Dude, she was hot in SI, starred in a crappy Tom Selleck movie, and then married the cat from the Cars) and not funny (I think that Clyde Drexler thing was a joke, but it really doesn't make any sense at all -- he starts by saying that Clyde was a career 20/6/5 guy, which pretty squarely puts him in Best 50 Players Ever territory, and then he says "wasn't Craig Ehlo busy?" So...um...yeah, dude, I don't quite get it. Props for the Craig Ehlo reference, but come see me when you can pull out an Eric Fernsten reference, and we'll talk then).

Man, what the fuck is TMC doing that he did NOT get this job?

TMC said...

So, um, why did they use Mike's picture at the top of the page?

Mike said...

I think that guy has more hair than me, though maybe not, since he's using the infamous "I'm cutting off the very top of my head in this picture so no one can see my receding hairline" move made popular by various Match.com users and newspaper reporters.

TMC said...

also, i didn't read much of that crap, but i did note the part where he admitted to listening to (and liking) Jimmy Fallon's CD. So I have to agree-- he's the worst everything ever.