Barrelhouse Reporter-at-Large

So as some of you well know, I'm a serious fucking magnet for barely famous, fairly pathetic celeb-reality television not-quite stars in LA. I haven't even lived here eight months and I've already spotted Mr. Boston from I Love New York (or his twin brother, but whatever), Hulk Hogan's wife and daughter (freaking with/dropping it like it's hot on two nasty guys at the W lounge--before the news even broke about the Hulkinator's divorce; I should have fucking recorded that one for TMC, man), one of the chicks from Rock of Love and, this week, the butch half of the cute dykish couple on Top Chef this season.

This has me thinking. What if, instead of just gawking at these particular freaks of nature, I just become some sort of Barrelhouse Reporter-at-Large and hit them up for powerful, newsworthy on-the-spot interviews? This would involve, I imagine, accosting said semi-celeb and making him/her/it answer two or three pre-determined questions I have on hand.

Now, because I'm the sort of person who is perfectly willing to make a fool of herself for her, umm, art, I'm happy for these questions to be as ridiculous as necessary to get the job done. They should be widely applicable, poignant, important queries that hit home and dig deep into the real, meaty issues. Yes. Barbara Walters type questions. Woodward and Bernstein style questions, even. Dare I dream it, maybe even "America's Next Top Model the Season They Had To Interview Janice Dickinson" worthy questions!

So? What should they be?


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