Remember when you were younger, when stores would sometimes put a bunch of jellybeans or marbles or other smallish doodads in a big glass jar, set the jar on a counter or table in an area of the store where everyone (even children, or very short people) could get a good look at both the jar and its contents, and then next to the jar would be a little box, with a slit cut through the top, and a stack of tiny blank cards on which you were to write down a number, plus your name (of course) and a phone number where you could be reached (of course), and then if your guess was the closest to the actual number of jellybeans or marbles or other smallish doodads you'd win some sort of prize -- a gift certificate, perhaps, or a Swiss Army knife, or maybe just all the jellybeans or marbles or other doodads (sans the jar, unless the shop owner in question was a particularly generous shop owner, and not a miser, as most shop owners are)?
Well, today we're going to play a similar game. Except there's no glass jar, or jellybeans, or marbles, or other fancy doodads. There's just this ... thing (above), which was sitting, unattended, on a bench down the block from my house, at approximately 7:00 pm, Monday night, near a health-food store named Essene, which sells strange-smelling vegetarian dishes and wildly overpriced cookies.
The object of the game, the thing to write on your little slip of paper (i.e., the comments field of the blog), is: what the fuck is this fucking thing?
I know the photo is of dubious quality, but believe me when I tell you that a clearer photo would not at all help when it comes to the guessing. I can tell you the material of the thing is something akin to papier mache, though I confess I didn't touch it, for obvious reasons. I wish I could tell you whether this thing is in its original condition, or broken, or maimed, or not as it was intended, but, unfortunately, I cannot. I stared at it for a good long while, and still I have no idea.
I'm not sure how to crown a winner, since I don't, so to speak, actually know how many jellybeans or marbles or doodads are in the proverbial glass jar. All I know is that this thing, whatever the fuck it is, will surely haunt me in both my sleeping and waking hours.
So, Barrelhousers, what say you? What the fuck is this fucking thing?