Hello Barrelhouse Readers:
I come to you today with a confession. Until recently -- three weeks ago, to be exact -- I was a (gasp!) P.C. user. That's right: I know I probably seem all "cool" and "hip" and "rad" on these here Internets, but in reality I was that dorky guy pictured at left, all drab-suited and bespectacled and befuddled by technology.
But now, Barrelhouse readers, I've transformed myself into the cool guy at right: I know you can't see me right now, but I'm totally rocking a pair of $300 jeans hand-distressed by a team of Panamanian infants, plus a hoodie "pre-worn" for 4.5 weeks by an illegal Portugese immigrant before being placed on the shelves at Urban Outfitters (retail price: $99.95, stores near you).
Now, instead of being the guy who drinks a soy-milk macchiato at Starbucks while checking his Match.com profile and tricking out his MySpace page and reading the New York Times' Caucus blog on his Dell laptop, I'm the much cooler guy who drinks a soy-milk chai latte at the smaller-chain coffeeshop down the street while updating his Nerve.com profile and tricking out his Facebook page and reading Neal Pollack's alterna-dad column on a shiny white MacBook.
If only I had a sleeve tattoo and an indie noise band, I could reach full Rawk! status.
The lesson here is this, Barrelhouse readers: You, too, can be cool via technology. Join the cult. Do it. Do it now.