Apparently there's some kind of debate this evening, between Joe "Mad Dog" Biden and Sarah "Lipstick'd Dog" Palin. Conventional wisdom is that Biden can't be too mean, or else people might feel bad for Palin, while Palin needs to somehow not be a moron. Of course the whole thing's already biased against Alaska's wolf-shootingest governor, since the moderator apparently wrote some book about black politicians and therefore is totally In The Tank for Barry and -- like Katie Couric, plus every lady on The View except that Hasselbeck chick -- is no doubt a horrible Sexist who will expect Sarah Palin to have actual knowledge and not just folksy platitudes.
She'll no doubt give softball questions to Biden, like "What's your favorite color?" (right answer: black) or "On a scale of 1 to 10, how awesome is Barack Obama?"
Meanwhile, she'll pepper Palin with totally mean "gotcha journalism" questions like "Please identify Iraq on this map," or "The knee bone's connected to the what bone?" Palin will answer these questions by smearing lipstick all over everything.
The cool kids are always suggesting drinking games to make these thingies more fun, like "take a shot every time Biden talks about riding the Amtrak train," or "drink a gallon of lighter fluid every time Palin stares blankly at the camera, then says she'll get back to us with an answer." But really these games just won't suffice this time. The only way to make this debate palatable is to start drinking right now, maybe throw in a few painkillers (just crush them up and stir into a pitcher of PBR or whatever kind of fortified wine you can afford now that we're all basically poor hobos), and with any luck you'll be completely unconscious by the time the debate starts at 9. Then tomorrow morning you can watch the two or three funny clips on YouTube.