Taradise...yeah, that's right...wait for it...Lost

We've known it was coming for along time, but it doesn't ease the pain any less. The great experiment in alcoholic, silicone-enhanced television trainwreckery that was Taradise is over.

I know this happened a few weeks ago, but I just caught up with my girl Tara over the weekend, and the finale really reminded me of what a goddam shame it is that E! is pulling the plug on Taradise.

The finale was a fitting end. Tara and her idiot sister, also sporting giant fake boobs and the IQ of a microwave burrito, hit the Tomatina tomato battle in Valencia, Spain. In between getting shitfaced, the Reid Geniuses and their henchwomen decide that, since its the world largest tomato battle, everybody will probably be in "teams," and the teams will all have "cute outfits."

You'll be surprised to learn that this turns out to be really, really not true.

The girls cute outfits consist of tiny little shirts that almost barely just just just cover their surgically enhanced boobs, along with some pro wrestling style boots, baseball hats, and daisy duke sweatpants.

The Genuis squad is surprised to learn that not everybody is dressed in "cute outfits" and that, in contrast, everybody is actually male, horny, wasted, and aggressive. Shocker.

Anyway, all of this is making me nostalgic already. Suffice it to say that they drink, throw tomatoes, have tomatoes thrown (primarily at their boobs) and say stupid shit that makes no sense at all.

And then they go get wasted.

Gridskipper has an excellent wrap up of all the classic Taradise episodes.

Sad to see you go, Tara. We'll see you in rehab. Or maybe in Wildwood, New Jersey, stumbling around on the dancefloor of Razzles.

Wherever we shall meet again, may you be drunk, growing larger, with even bigger boobs, and spouting out nonsense. I only hope there will be a camera crew there to catch it all.


Kistulentz said...

Razzles is good, but it's no Margate Pub.

TMC said...

Man, I hope she could do better than Wildwood, even if she is unemployed.
That place is a dump.

Well, compared to other shore towns, anyway.