A Conversation that May Have Taken Place between Sufjan Stevens’ Bass Player and His Wife the Evening after His Audition

An aprtment in Brooklyn. Early evening. Bass player sits at a table, looking into space. Wife enters.

Wife: Hey!

BP: (Blankly) Hey.

Wife: Well? How’d it go?

BP: It went, you know, alright.

Wife: Just alright?

BP: No, I mean it went good. Well. Really well, you know?

Wife: Do you think you got it?

BP: I do. I mean I did. I got it. I know I did. He told me.

Wife: He did!?!

BP: Yeah, he hired me on the spot.

Wife: So what’s wrong?

BP: Nothing.

Slight pause as BP wistfully looks out his apartment window.

Wife: No, seriously. What’s up? You’re usually jazzed when you get a spot. He’s not an asshole, is he? Like Bright Eyes?

BP: No, no. He’s nice. Totally nice. Unfailingly polite, really. It’s just that…

Wife: What?

BP: There’s a costume requirement.

Wife: A costume requirement?

BP: Yeah.

Wife: What is it?

BP: I have to wear butterfly wings.

Wife: Bufferfly wings?

BP: Yeah.

Wife: You mean, like, on your lapel? Like an AIDS ribbon?

BP: No, I mean like actual butterfly wings. Real wings. Wire and cloth. On my back.

Wife: On your back?

BP: At every show.

Wife: Why?

BP: I’m really not sure.

Wife: You didn’t ask?

BP: It was an audition. I didn’t want to seem like an asshole or like have him say something like, “You know if you don’t understand why I’m asking you to wear butterfly wings I don’t see how you can be in this band.” We need the money.

Wife: Well, it’s not that big of a deal. I guess. You wore that weird leather outfit when you played back-up for Placebo even though it made your chest look like a shriveled testicle.

BP: Yeah, but, at least I was in the background with them. They kept me in the dark. For this I’m going to be right out front. Playing bass. Wearing butterfly wings.

Wife: Yep.

BP: Yep.

Slight pause.

BP: It is weird, right? I mean I’m not just being a hipster douche bag, am I?

Wife: Oh, no. It’s weird.

BP: Okay. I just wanted to make sure.


dave said...

This is brilliant! I suggest a series of these. A Conversation Between Sufjan Stevens' Bass Player and His Wife After His first Show Wearing Butterfly Wings" would be an excellent next step.

J. Charles said...

As a second time visitor, first time caller, I would have to say this is almost as good as, hell, maybe even better than your links to Yacht Rock and, okay, you can't tell anyone about this, Alizee. Now that's really saying something.