For Movie Monday

In the film version of Barrelhouse (direct to DVD, most certainly), who would play YOU?


Mike said...

What, we don't get a theatrical release? No festival circuit?

Oh, and to answer your question: whichever Olson twin is the bigger coke whore.

jill alexander essbaum said...

Did you hear about Pee Wee Herman's latest theatrical release?

It slid down the back of the seat in front of him.

JP said...

Jenna Jameson.

Or, just kidding: RuPaul.

Or, just kidding again: Patrick Swayze.

(But the truth? Natasha Leone, I think. But with just a little more verve.)

Mike said...

Would that be the Natasha Leone of American Pie/Slums of Beverly Hills, or the Natasha Leone of cracked-out mugshots?

Neil Ellis Orts said...

For those who don't know, I'm not only a snarky poster, I'm also a publisher.

At the end of April, I'll be releasing Jill Alexander Essbaum's Necropolis, a pretty awesome collection of her poetry. Like, way awesome.

The book will retail for $13.95, 'Merican.

For Barrelhouse blog readers, I'm offering a prepub price of $10, with free media mail postage. (Add two bucks for fancier mailing.)

We can do this via U.S. post or PayPal. email me at neo (at) neonuma (dot) com.

Oh yeah, and go to my blog. I'd posted a question that might be of interest to Barrelhousers. But that's less required than buying Jillie's book. That's required.

publisher of required reading

Neil Ellis Orts said...

Oh, and as to who should play me in a Barrelhouse movie (as a bit player in a crowd scene, of course), I'd really prefer to play myself (have to use that theater degree sometime) or else Sean Connery, because if I can't play with Sean Connery, I'd like him to play me.

would also consider Harrison Ford

JP said...

Probably a little of both, Mike. As long as it isn't "But I'm A Cheerleader" Natasha Leone, who was both a little too girly AND a little too gay to be me.

Mike said...

Well, since the other kids aren't playing, I'll just have to fill in their cast data myself:

Dave = Mark Ruffalo or Richard Hatch back in his skinny Survivor days.

Aaron = Stone Cold Steve Austin. Or a young, mustachioed Telly Savalas.

Joe = that dude from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia who looks exactly like Joe. Or Helen Hunt.

Matt = the shaggier of the two guys from Flight of the Concords. Or whichever Teletubbie was the gay one.

TMC = Barry Bonds.

JP said...

See, I called Eric Bana for Dave. Then again, Eric Bana used to be the poor man's Mark Ruffalo, and now he's the rich man's Mark Ruffalo, so maybe you're right.

And dude--amazing call on Matt being played by the Flight of the Concords dude.

But it's cute how you didn't include yourself in that list, Mike. And no, I don't count "whichever Olson twin is the bigger coke whore" as an answer. Because that's obviously a trick question, anyway.