Why a brotha always got to be blamed?

There have only been a few truly perfect pairings in this lifetime. And now there's something new to add to the list along with chocolate + peanut butter, sex + Jodeci, and Vanilla Ice + a woman who just won't listen:

nothing goes together like trucks and guns!

Yes, this Missouri car dealership's sales have quadrupled recently, a phenomenon they chalk up to their new offer of a handgun with every new or used car purchased.

(Actually, it's EITHER a handgun OR a $250 gas card, but everyone except "one guy from Canada and one old guy" chose the gun. Because only geriatrics and people who are freedom haters don't want their .38 to ride shotgun, bitches!)

The best part is that the offer was apparently inspired by Barack Obama's comment that Midwesterners are clinging to their guns and their Bibles. How this led to the truck/gun combination, I'm not exactly sure. Do they know that trucks aren't Bibles? Or do they already carry Bibles in their trucks, and they're only missing guns to make the picture both fully American and wholly godly? I'm confused. But that's the Democratic race for you--stirring up confusion from all angles.

Anyway, on a side note I say it's a good thing that crazy hicks the world over were allowed to keep their TruckNutz. Otherwise what would they use for target practice?

Besides liberals and minorities, of course.

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Breaking: People In New York Still Into Ridiculous Crap

You know, I'm sure this whole "miracle fruit" thing is cool and all, but flavor tripping parties? Really, New York? Is this what you've been reduced to now? And they're hosted by a 32-year-old lawyer who calls himself Supreme Commander? Really?

"'You pop it in your mouth and scrape the pulp off the seed, swirl it around and hold it in your mouth for about a minute,' he said. 'Then you’re ready to go.' He ushered his guests to a table piled with citrus wedges, cheeses, Brussels sprouts, mustard, vinegars, pickles, dark beers, strawberries and cheap tequila, which Mr. Aliquo promised would now taste like top-shelf Patrón."

This reminds me of when I was in 9th or 10th grade and none of my degenerate friends could get weed or any other actual drug, so we were all reduced to huffing model glue or carpet cleaner (before they changed the formula), but at least that dumb shit got you high, you know? This is just paying some lawyer dude $15 to make stuff taste like other stuff.

A part of me wants to believe this isn't real, that some enterprising but naive New York Times reporter just got played for a fool. But in a world where oxygen bars and steampunk still exist, I'm not getting my hopes up.

Link of the Week

What I've just realized is that Jill and I have not only started posting to this blog regularly, but have also sort of started taking over in typical woman-like fashion. At first, it's just a post here, an alarmingly offensive comment there. Next, you'll find a toothbrush and a tampon smugly situated in your bathroom cabinet. (Trust me, they're there. Go check.) Lastly, here I come with TWO posts on TWO Sundays in a row called "Link of the Week!"

What does this mean? (Besides the fact that you'll have fresh breath and feminine protection at hand when you need it?) Well, it means that Sunday is now BOTH Shameless Self-Promotion Day and Link of the Week Day. At least if I have anything to do with it.

So here it is, my new committed relationship partners: your Link of the Week.

Stuff White People Like

I felt this site was appropriate since we're already on an "ironically and cheerfully racist" kick this week. (Or, err, I am.) And I realize I may be totally behind on this site, so all of you can feel free to boo, bitch-slap or ninja-chop me if you've already seen it. But if you haven't, be prepared: it is HIGH-LARIOUS!

Because, really, white people are hilarious. Not only do they like raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, they also apparently like Gentrification, Alternative Medicine, the Toyota Prius, Irony, Knowing What's Best for Poor People and Standing Still at Concerts, among many other objects, places and activities.

As a side note, I think one of the best parts of this site is the comments section on the "About Us" page. In this little gem of a bulletin board, people of all races (but mostly white) sound off on how wonderful, terrible, offensive, poorly-written, left-wing, right-wing or just plain hateful the site is. They also wonder openly and often about the race of the person who runs the blog. (My guess is that it's our own Mike Ingram, who recently admitted to playing a regular game of mixed doubles tennis in very short, very white shorts, AND to being called Country Club during his college years due to his excessive whiteness.)

Anyway, from this comment section we learn that among the many ridiculous things White People Like, "getting bent out of shape because they can't take a motherfucking joke, ""commenting heatedly on things they could just as easily ignore" and "flame wars" are way, way up there.

As is blogging.

So, my multi-cultural, multi-political, gay, straight, lesbian, transgendered and transexual sisters and brothers of size (or lack of size) and color (or lack of color)....ENJOY!


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